My grandmother, who goes by Grandma the Great always says, “We make plans and God laughs.” No matter how crunchy, non-toxicy, and naturally I try to live my life, God seems to want me to go through trails when it comes to my health.
After two years of struggling with my mental health and two episodes of severe psychosis, I have been formally diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and am now taking medication for it.
This blog is my account of my experience and should not be taken as medical advice. I earn commissions through my links. Please read the full disclosure for more information.
If you have read other parts of my blog, you know that I am naturally-minded in my approach to dealing with health issues.
I first like to address nutritional deficiencies and then seek natural remedies like homeopathy or herbs before I grab for anything from Big Pharma.
I have been extremely successful at this and have barely ever even had to use things like Tylenol for years.
This is one circumstance where I have completely thrown out the natural things first approach because I didn’t just get hit with a touch of Bipolar, I got the full blown loss of control kind.
I had 34 great years of stable mental health, but the past year has been the most challenging year of my life. I am not quite ready to share all that has happened yet and don’t know if I ever will be.
But I am writing about my diagnosis, my feelings about it, and my future plans on how to tackle this conundrum because for some reason, life keeps throwing me curveballs and I can only assume it’s because I must go through them in order to help others.
Events that led to my Bipolar Diagnosis
If you follow the medical model then you will know that Bipolar Disorder is the result of a chemical imbalance in your brain which can cause periods of depression and periods of elevated thinking or mania in which a person can do bizarre and even harmful behaviors.
I believe the first appearance of Bipolar in me manifested itself as a depression that lasted for years. I can pinpoint it to the fact that I struggled very much with the Pandemic operation and it led to me losing trust in the leaders of our society.
I began to obssess over the news and kept up with it frequently which resulted in a chronic state of paranoia. I justified this behavior by telling myself that I was looking out for my family so we could be prepared when the next disaster strikes.
There was also outside stressors happening in my life.
My husband had to change jobs which resulted in a significant pay decrease for a period of time and we had to move to a new, not-so-fun town.
I also developed severe food allergies postpartum that resulted in a wicked diffuse skin rash which I worked very hard to heal and mostly did completely naturally. Check out how I did that here. It took me the better part of a year to recover from that.
Despite all these cards stacked against me, I continued treating myself like absolute crap and give all my extra spare time to my husband and children, not taking time for myself to do things like maintain a solid workout routine, paint my nails, get new clothes I was proud to wear, or watch a funny movie, etc.
I mean, I would get stuff for the kids, but I continued to wear 5 year old shirts with holes in them because I just didn’t care to look presentable.
Finally the pressure of my husband being gone and my taking care of two children all alone for months on end got the best of me and my brain had enough.
Bipolar Disorder will Not Define Me
I am going to skip talking about the specific events that took place after my mental health took a nose dive. I am not ready to share that with whoever ends up reading this because it is very painful to even think about.
The one thing I will say about it is, I have had a year of absolute hell. The mental torture that I have endured is beyond anything I thought imaginable and it could have been so much worse.
God kept me in the palm of His hand the entire time and I can honestly look back and say, I made it through that. It did not break me, nor will this diagnosis.
I don’t know how long it will take, but I will heal my brain from Bipolar Disorder. I will be a success story. I will make my family and myself proud.
I don’t subscribe to the notion that once you are diagnosed with a disease you will always have it. There is always a root cause that can be addressed. There is always a solution that can be found. The body was designed to heal and therefore so can the mind.
I will not let go of this mindset now that I am thinking clearly on the medication.
I am thankful for every practitioner that has helped me along the way and plan to continue to work very closely with a functional psychiatrist and therapist, with the support of my family.
I plan to share my journey on my blog with the hope that one day, I will be free of this condition and I can document everything I did along the way.
There are a lot of Bipolar Disorder podcasts out there and I’ve listened to some of them. I have not yet heard one account where someone has been able to get off their medications successfully.
I just keep thinking there has to be stories of people who have healed from this disease and gone on to live safe and productive lives. I mean I did for 34 years, why can’t I do that again?
This is part one on a series I will do about Bipolar Disorder. Next I am going to discuss what I am doing now to manage my mind to be healthy and safe.
